


what we leave behind

by looketh_its_brooketh



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison Hargreeves Needs A Hug, BAMF Allison Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Luther Hargreeves Needs A Hug, M/M, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, ben hargreeves is actually doing decently in this one, lovesick diego, you think that after saving the world you'll get to go home and just be happy right??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28478745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/looketh_its_brooketh/pseuds/looketh_its_brooketh
Summary: The Umbrella Academy reflects on what comes after saving the world.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves/Jill, Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz, Raymond Chestnut/Allison Hargreeves, Sissy Cooper/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. luther

**Author's Note:**

> so i finished s2 yesterday and it was pretty good overall!! i still liked s1 more (hazel, cha-cha, leonard, and even the handler were just more compelling villains and the music was so so good), but this one was fun. i liked all of the siblings getting along and of course vanya/sissy. but it made me think--what if everyone wasn't so willing to leave 1963? it's not like there weren't things keeping them there

Logically, they have to go back to 2019. Luther may do a lot of stupid things, but he’s not a total idiot. He’s just a rule follower—always has been. So, he gets that when you and your family land in Texas almost 60 years earlier from when you should be, you can’t just stay there; you have to fix things. There’s no question about it.

The thing is, he kind of likes 1963. He likes who he is here; he can have his shirt off in public, and people cheer instead of grimacing or running away in terror. Alone for the first time in a while, he doesn’t have to worry about making mistakes that cause people to hate him or turn against him—mistakes that, if he’s being perfectly honest with himself, had a hand in bringing about the apocalypse the first time. 

It’s embarrassing, how much of an idiot he was a few days ago. What was he thinking?

But they’re all together—his family. They get along in 1963. Luther can’t remember the last time he had a conversation with Diego that didn’t end in some kind of fight, or feeling like he was on the same level as Five, or hell, even apologizing to Vanya. For the first time—maybe ever—they’re actually acting like the family they were brought together to be.

There’s no homesickness in 1963; Luther thinks that that might be the most enticing thing about it. He’d never admit it to his siblings, but he’s spent so many hours longing for the way things used to be—the life of the child superhero, the training with their dad, living in a mansion, and saving the world in whatever ways they could. Even, sometimes, the cold ignorance of his life on the moon.

He used to miss being the leader. Not anymore.

It might be because of Dad. Seeing him alive was, at first, shocking, and wonderful, and terrifying, all at the same time. But he seems smaller here, in life—his teachings and eventually, his silence, had always spoken volumes that Luther had never been able to ignore. Reginald Hargreeves isn’t that little voice in Luther’s head anymore. He’s just a man. And Luther is finally ready to leave him behind.

He calls Jack before they leave—just to tie up the final loose ends of his life in 1963. Ruby doesn’t answer; Luther probably shouldn’t expect him to. Although the Hargreeves’ know it isn’t, the death of President Kennedy is like the end of the world for the people here. He tries again—still no answer. This is stupid; he could just write a note or something. 

It suddenly occurs to Luther that this, this thing that is so quickly coming to an end, might have been the most stable life he’s ever had.

But they have to go back, right?

He tries again.


	2. diego

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that dinner scene hurts to watch. wow. poor diego.

Diego can’t wait to get out of here. 

The past few days have been _a lot_ , what with time traveling to 1963, getting put into a mental hospital, being recruited by the goddamn Commission, falling in love, having complicated conversations involving recipient of said love, almost dying multiple times, etc. All the usual stuff. Honestly, the least surprising part was the threat of The Apocalypse, part two. There’s always something, with this family. 

Surprisingly, everything has turned out pretty well. The world isn’t going to end, they’re all safe, and they’re going home. He should be happy, or at the very least, satisfied that Five doesn’t have to time jump them out of another end of the world.

But he didn’t save Kennedy. And Dad was right. Again.

Diego _knew_ the whole thing was connected to the president. He got that part right, at least. But what he got horribly, horribly wrong was the thing he thought he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt—that Dad was going to be involved. All the signs pointed to it: the picture, the sketchy meetings, his father’s typical lack of discomfort in causing other people harm. _Of course_ he would be involved. 

Then there was the stupid dinner, where the old British bastard had taken one look at him and started throwing out words like ‘delusional’, ‘desperate’, and ‘insignificant’. Diego had felt like a little kid again, stuttering as he trembled under a father’s disdainful gaze, because he wasn’t good enough then, and he isn’t good enough in 19-fucking-63. 

Team Zero. What a joke. As if they can ever forget the numbers the only dad they’d ever known had given them in place of names. 

Dad’s dead back in 2019. That’s a relief, and likely not only to him. If these few days have taught him anything that he didn’t already know, it’s that even though a bad thing—or person—can bring people together, it’s still bad. 

He wonders where Lila is, how she’s holding up after everything—all of the shit with the Handler, and her powers. It’s almost insane to think about it—her powers. How she’s one of them. If things had gone differently, once upon a time, they might have grown up together.

Will he ever see her again? Diego can’t be sure. She’s unpredictable, Lila. But he loves her, so he’ll keep hoping.

His family’s been through too much already. He sees it in Klaus’ pasted on smile, feels it in the weight of Vanya’s head on his shoulder. They need to go.


	3. allison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay did anyone else know that that actor who plays ray also plays famine in good omens??

The irony in not being able to find the words to say what she know she has to doesn’t escape Allison. Funny—the girl whose ability lies in her voice doesn’t have a clue how to explain. What to tell Ray? How to explain how much he means to her, how much he and the movement have changed her life?

There’s so much for her here—so much that she’s done, and so much more that she could do. In a way, she has Vanya to thank for a lot of it. She didn’t realize how little she truly listened to people before her vocal chords were damaged. Maybe, subconsciously, she had always put herself first because she was a celebrity. And she had power. Not being able to speak forced her to rethink everything. She found herself reading between the lines, empathizing, and realizing that she was wrong a lot more often than pre-apocalypse Allison could have ever dreamed of. 

When she finally got her voice back, she really felt changed for the better. Allison wishes she had learned the lesson earlier—maybe things would have turned out differently with Claire and Patrick. Or maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference. She’d also had a lot of time to think about time and relationships and hurting people when you just want to help. 

Looking back on it, what she really loves—loved—most about Ray was how easily her understood her. He listened to her tell her fairytale stories of superheroes and time travel, and he believed it. Sure, he needed a quick demonstration for the power thing, but really, that was to be expected. He believed Allison when she told him that she had never used her power on him—and he helped to be better, to use her voice when necessary, and when necessary, to fight with everything she had. 

She’d told him pieces of the future—things she’d known would make him angry, but hopeful, too. Because he can’t come with her. And as much as she wishes he could, she understands. She doesn’t belong here, and he doesn’t belong in the future. 

Allison writes him a note. It’s not only to say goodbye, but to give her one last chance to sit in her chair, in her kitchen—one final look at the life she built herself from the ground up for the first time in her life. 

Allison tells Ray that everything will be okay. A part of her longs to rumor herself into believing it. But, she doesn’t—there are some things, she’s learned, that you have to fight for on your own.


	4. klaus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> klaus copes with hurt through humor and no one is surprised

Klaus thought Dallas would be more fun. Not necessarily Dallas in the 60s, although the booze is good and the outfits better, but at least Dallas itself. The cult thing lost its touch a while ago, though, and it turns out that running away from homicidal maniacs only becomes less enjoyable the further back in history you go.

What did he learn from this experience? Not much. Okay, okay, that’s a bit of a stretch. Klaus learned that he should not be allowed to time travel, because as charismatic and entrancing and life-changing as he may be, he had really managed to screw things up, hadn’t he.

Every now and then, the spot on his chest where Dave’s dog tags used to hang aches like a phantom wound. It’s like his body, his very being, knows that a piece of the man he loves—loved—is supposed to be there.

Klaus’ cynical side—yes, he has one of those, although he is likely more aloof than a cynic—won’t shut up. It tells him that he did a good thing, and look where it got him? His arrogant side cuts in as well, bringing up the valid point that since Dave enlisted earlier than he had in the original timeline, then maybe, just maybe, Klaus had given him a chance at survival.

But he—and all of the parts that make him up—really just feels sad. Acceptance and sadness go hand in hand. They are the Dave he knew in the war and the Dave he only recently met, the dancing and the bullets, the yelling and the apologies. _C’est la vie._

He’s trying to be kinder to himself. It’s what Ben has been asking of him for years, through snarky comments and worried eyes and, every now and then, a conspiratorial grin or genuine laugh. 

Oh, actually, there is something he learned— _never_ let your ghost brother possess your body. It’s like getting high but you don’t get to experience any of the good stuff and it just feels weird and you don’t know what the other person did while in your body, but oh, boy, you know you’re gonna find out sooner or later—

Maybe it’s more like being drunk. Yeah, that’s probably more accurate.

Klaus isn’t prepared for the loneliness he knows will attack as soon as what’s happened today truly sinks in. Ben has always just…been there—a part of him, like Dave’s dog tags. Klaus has been in entire rooms of people, enough toxins in his blood stream to make a humpback whale loopy, and still he was never able to shake off that sense of aloneness. It lingered like an itch he couldn’t get rid of, like traces of glitter you can never get out of the carpet and eventually resign yourself to coexisting alongside. But he’d never felt that way when it was just him and Ben—one person overcoming hundreds simply by existing. Klaus can barely remember a time without him. Through all that time, guilt had weighed him down just as much as drugs had lifted him up. And now, after saving the freaking world, on his own, Ben is gone. For good. 

Klaus thinks God will like Ben. After all, anyone who hated him typically loved Ben, so why not God herself? They could ride bikes together. 

The thought comforts him as he makes a dramatic pause in the family’s suitcase escape to grab a stylish cowboy hat from Vanya’s girlfriend’s railing—it’s his only souvenir.


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> five: they're idiots but they're my idiots <3

Five is tired. He is just so damn tired.

Because now that it’s all over, _finally_ , the two apocalypses and the time jumping and seeing his siblings’ dead bodies and all of the years and years and years alone have caught up to him. 

Five will never say it out loud—can’t risk going soft—but he’s always known that they could pull it off. His family is chock full of idiots with daddy issues and powers that they haven’t completely mastered, a group of people that hadn’t seen each other for what felt like a lifetime until a few days ago. But deep down, he always knew. They’re what he did all of it for, after all. He doesn’t place his hopes on just anyone.

And Dad. In the end, it had really been Dad that had saved them. And at first, when the man had pulled him aside for their little chat and called him out on his ambition not lining up with his wants, he’d hated him. Five had never really gotten the chance to hate Reginald Hargreeves. Sure, he’d had the few moments of childish hatred when Dad had told him he wasn’t ready to time travel before he’d ran off and gotten himself stuck, but he’d returned after the old man was dead. He hadn’t lived through the growing up years of pressure and longing for rebellion and all of that teenage superhero stuff. So, maybe that’s why it’s easier for him, now, to have some respect for Dad—just a little.

If he was still a part of the Commission, he might consider making a trip to visit Hazel—thanks to him, they saved the world. For real, this time. But he’s dead, and as much as Five might desperately want to do something for himself for once, hee’s seen what overdoing it with his powers can do. What if this time, he brings back Hitler? It’s not worth the risk.

Hazel had done so much—and just like that, in an instant, he was gone. It’s almost enough to override Five’s mental rules. They had saved so much already. Why not Hazel, a man who deserves more than most to _live_?

Almost. But he can’t. 

He is so tired. Maybe there’s an eighth stage of Paradox Psychosis—utter and total exhaustion. If he was still a part of a Commission, he’d add it to the handbook. 

Still, he can’t rest. He never can. Because even though Herb’s acting head of the Commission and the Handler’s gone and Lila’s who knows where, something will happen. Something always happens. 

But for now, he needs a nap. Or a drink. Maybe both.


	6. ben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ben better be back in s3 bc ngl, emo sparrow academy!ben scares me

In what he somehow knows are his last few moments on this planet, Ben lives. He feels everything and nothing—from the scratching of Klaus’ weird prophet beard, the dirt, the warmth of Jill’s body hugging his, and the sun, for the first time in a very, very long time, on his face, to the stinging surges of power from whatever machine those assholes hooked Vanya up to. The strength and steadiness of Vanya’s arms. She holds him as he requested. It's nice.

For years he had been a shadow, tied to Klaus and thus roaming the earth by his side—or, most of the time, at a distance. He knows that Klaus has always blamed himself for this. But that day—the day of his funeral, and the first day of his second life, if that’s what one would call it—that was followed by so many others like it, Ben made a choice. 

He had never liked doing that. Choices are tricky, especially in families like his. They can make people angry, if you don’t make the right ones. They are driven by emotion--guilt, and pride, happiness. Ben’s was backed by fear. 

It wasn’t really dying that he had been afraid of, he now realizes, but of what came after. Death is the simple part. Most of the time, it just happens. Ben doesn’t consider himself an expert on the afterlife, so he’d never thought that he’d have to make a choice. He always thought that maybe one would be made for him—judgement, or something of the sort. 

Klaus had been a way out—a happy distraction from the inevitable choice that he just couldn’t bring himself to make. 

He tells Vanya all of this, asking her to pass the message Klaus. If anyone deserves the closure he can provide in these final few seconds, it’s Klaus. Even if the jerk makes frequent bad decisions and acts in such a way that Ben is pretty sure half of the Hargreeves think that ghost-Ben is a fantasy, Klaus is still his brother. His best friend. 

As he fades away, bit by bit, Ben’s life doesn’t necessarily flash in front of his eyes like a movie. He remembers what he wants to—what he deems important. He feels it all, every victory, every heartbreak, every spout of anger, every loss. He relives the time he’s spent with Luther, with Diego, with Allison, with Five, with Vanya. With Grace and with Pogo, with Jill. And with Klaus. So much time with Klaus.

He doesn’t regret it, Ben realizes as his vision tunnels, not choosing the day he was supposed to. Everything turned out all right in the end.

He wonders what the afterlife will be like as the light beckons him forward. He is not afraid.


	7. vanya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vanya <3

Vanya hesitates. She decides, and rethinks, and decides, and rethinks.

If Allison and Luther have even the smallest wish to stay here, Vanya’s outweighs it by a mile.

She remembers everything, and that’s the biggest problem. Life with Sissy and Harlan had been a fresh start from a life that was more like a wisp of smoke than something she had actually lived—like someone else’s dream retold at the breakfast table. Does it even really exist? And when the strangers claiming to be her family had shown up, talking about teaming up to stop the end of the world, she still didn’t really believe it. It didn’t feel real. Sissy was real. Harlan was real. Their life was real. It was all she knew—and all she needed to know.

They had already been planning to leave, just the three of them; they were going to start over, build a new life for themselves. They were going to have the life they wanted, not the one given to them by Carl and what society deemed as fit. 

If she was naïve, Vanya would say that they still could. No one’s stopping them. Carl’s dead. The world is safe. They could just drive away, leaving behind all of the dark nights to fade, adding to the wisps of smoke of that past.

But she remembers. She remembers everything.

When Sissy asks her if they would be safe, she, Vanya, and Harlan, in the new life Vanya wants for them so badly, Vanya wants to say yes—that nothing else, no one else, will matter, because she can keep them safe. She can fly, and manipulate sound waves, and _bring people back to life_ , so she should be able to handle protecting some of the people in this world that she loves the most, right?

But she remembers. Vanya remembers the hurt that trails the Umbrella Academy wherever they go. Leonard and metal and blood and music and Grace and Pogo and _Dad_. The moon. The end of the world.

Vanya is so, so in love. But she’s not naïve anymore. 

She kisses Sissy and hugs her and Harlan as tightly as she can. She tells them she wishes them all the luck in the world, and promises Sissy—dear, dear, Sissy—that she will visit if she can.

Vanya woke up only a short time ago not knowing a thing—who she was, where she was, or if there was even a single person in the world she could count on.

But she looks around at her five siblings and knows. She’s Vanya Hargreeves, and she’s part of two messed up, perfect families.


	8. what comes next

They go home.

But it isn't theirs anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!! i really enjoyed taking a look at each of the characters and their motivations it was a lot of fun


End file.
